


It's A Quarter After One, I'm Drunk And Stuck In Three Feet Of Snow And I Need You Now

by ruff_ethereal



Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Major Original Character(s), Mild Language, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 20:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4363481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valerie gets drunk and stuck in a snowbank out in the middle of nowhere. Neala goes to rescue her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's A Quarter After One, I'm Drunk And Stuck In Three Feet Of Snow And I Need You Now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radiowrittenheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Love, Selfish Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3725458) by [ruff_ethereal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal). 



> Warning!: Contains a vague sexual assault joke.
> 
> For the Anonymous that wanted something "Happy" with Valerie, which my brain unfortunately interpreted as "oh hey let's go torture her some more in amusing ways!"
> 
> Set after the events of "Love, Selfish Love," but acts as a one-shot outside of the regular continuity.

_“Neala! Help! I'm drunk and stuck in three feet of snow and I NEED YOU!”_

Neala blinked and checked her phone. “Elise Yapp” was on the screen, but the voice she just heard most definitely wasn't her. “Valerie? Is that you?” She asked.

_“Yes it's me please send help!”_

“Val. Slow down. What happened?”

 _“I'm drunk and stuck in three feet of snow and I need your help!”_ Valerie replied.

Neala paused. “Okay, let me rephrase the question: what happened that got you where you are now?”

_“I don't know!”_

“Uh, do you know where you are at least?”

 _“I DON'T KNOW! I'm_ drunk, _why are you asking me these questions?!”_

“Valerie! Calm down! Just… calm down. Do you see any buildings around?”

Valerie whimpered. _“No. It's just snow and darkness everywhere and I'm scared! I don't like this, N'ala! I don't like this one bit!”_ She wailed, obviously on the verge of tears.

“Val: stop. Don't panic. It's gonna be alright, okay? I'm coming to get you, and it's going to be alright.”

_“… Promise…?”_

“Promise. Look, just stay where you are, try to keep yourself warm, and above all, don't go to sleep. I'll find you, okay?”

_“Okay… hurry, please!”_

“I'm on my way to the car right now. It's gonna be alright, Val.”

Valerie whimpered once more, before Neala ended the call. She set her book aside, marked the page she was on, and went outside of her room and into the hall.

In the living room, Tiana looked up from her reruns of old cartoons. “Where the hell are you going out this late, sis?”

“Val's gotten into trouble.” Neala explained. “She's drunk, she's lost, and she's out in the cold; I need to go find her before she freezes to death or worse.”

Tiana scowled, and turned off the TV. “I'm coming with you!” She got up and grabbed her jacket from the back of the couch.

Neala frowned. “Tia, you don't have to do this.”

“Hey, if this is her deciding tonight's the night she's gonna reveal she's a crazy axe murderer and you're her next victim, I want to at least know what to tell the police when we go looking for your body!” Tiana said as she slipped her jacket on and grabbed Neala's car keys from the bowl next to the front door. “I'll go get the car, you go call whoever it is you need to call.”

“Got it. Thanks, sis.”

“Don't thank me yet...” Tiana grumbled as she went out of their apartment and to the garage.

Neala pulled out her phone again, and brought out a hidden app in one of the “empty” spots on the screens. She prayed to whoever might be listening before she pressed the big red button. She sighed in relief when the tracker didn't ping Valerie's apartment, which meant at the very least she hadn't left her phone at home. But, it was also pinpointing her location somewhere far, far out from the city, all the way on the outskirts leading out to the highways.

She saved the location, swiped to her contacts list, and made a call.

“ _Judgin' by the_ ungodly _hour, this is somethin' dire, isn't it?”_ Sinclair said.

“Valerie's drunk and stuck out in the cold, and the tracker's telling me she's way out on the highways—or just her phone is, which I'm hoping isn't the case. I'm taking the car and Tia; if neither of us don't call back in an hour, call the police then… uh”--Neala paused--“call her momma.”

Sinclair gulped. “Good luck out there, you two.”

“Thanks.” Neala hung up.

Outside, Tiana impatiently honked the horn on Neala's car, the vehicle already idling on the street outside. Neala double-checked Valerie's location, shoved her phone back into her pocket, and headed to the car.

“How the hell did that girl get in trouble _this_ time, anyway?” Tiana asked as she shifted into the passenger's seat.

“I don't know; she was too drunk and panicked to remember or tell me.” Neala replied as she got into the driver's seat.

Tiana frowned. “Are you sure this is a legit call for help? Remember: axe murderer.”

Neala pulled her seatbelt on. “Positive. Look, I know Valerie: she can't fake this.”

“Or maybe she's been taking acting classes behind your backs.” Tiana grumbled. “Wouldn't be the first time she's done something big without telling any of you…”

Neala sighed. “Just put your seatbelt on, Tia.”

Tiana mumbled under her breath as did as she was told. Neala drove off into the night, heading up streets and out of the city.

* * *

They found Elise walking on the side of the roads, coat pulled tight against her body and frantically waving her flashlight in the air. She started running towards the car as soon as Neala started slowing down.

“Oh thank goodness, someone _competent!”_ Elise cried as Neala lowered her window. The smile on her face faltered for a moment as she noticed who was in the passenger seat. “Tiana.” She said calmly.

Tiana grunted in reply.

Elise turned back to Neala. “So sorry for the suddenness, but could you please let me in and have us continue this conversation inside your car? It's _really_ cold out here I really should have brought my warmer coat.” Neala wordlessly clicked the back doors open, Elise smiled. _“Thank you.”_

Neala slid the window back up while Elise quickly threw herself into the backseat, closing the door with a resounding thump. “Oh, thank _goodness_ , warmth and shelter...” She mumbled as she sank into the seat.

Neala resumed driving, Tiana leaned out of her seat and looked back at Elise. “You just gonna defrost, or are you actually gonna tell us what the hell happened this time?”

Elise scowled at her. “I was just about to get to that...” She mumbled. “Long story short: I invited Valerie out to a party here in the outskirts on a whim, s ome arsehole decided to go spike the punchbowl, and as it turns out,  our friend  is a featherweight drinker.  Barely even had a few sips and  already she was swaying and looking  warily  at the furniture...”

“How'd she get lost out here with your phone, then?” Neala asked.

Elise grimaced. “Yet more unfortunate events. Valerie couldn't remember how to unlock her phone so she could call for a ride home, so I let her borrow mine. At exactly the moment I handed it to her, a _different_ arsehole decided to set off some fireworks not five feet away from us. Even before I recovered, Valerie had already vaunted the patio fence and was running off into the horizon, screaming about 'Loud noises!' at the top of her lungs while waving her arms and my phone in the air.”

Tiana scowled. “Wait, you mean to tell me she's a freak-of-nature kung-fu master even while wasted?”

Elise shrugged. “Valerie is a woman of many secrets and surprises.”

Tiana cursed and shook her head.

“I'm assuming by the way you two are out here that she managed to call you for help?” Elise asked as she looked out the window and into the darkness.

“Yes. We've got a bead on her location—assuming she hasn't dropped her phone somewhere. Arriving there right about… now.” Neala stopped the car, and pulled out her phone again. She accessed the tracker, and pressed the button again. She let out the breath she was holding when it showed that Valerie hadn't moved an inch.

Neala kept the car running as she popped open her door. “She's still there, let's move. Elise, you coming?”

Elise sighed as she pulled open her own door. “Much as I loathe going out in this weather again, my concern for Riri's well-being is stronger.” She pointed her flashlight out and clicked it on once more. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“Just follow me, and start sweeping.” Neala said as she walked off into the vast, empty expanse of snow and the occasional tree on the side of the road. Elise and Tiana trailed a short distance back, looking area for any sign of a pink Agent Flaming-O hoodie or Valerie's distinct curly brown and copper-red hair.

* * *

They found her sitting in a snowbank in the middle of nowhere, knees pulled up to her chest. Her hood was turned up, the strings were pulled as tightly as they could, and she was awake, which was good. She was crying, shivering, and clearly missing her pants, which was bad.

“I think my butt's frozen off...” Valerie whimpered after she saw them.

The three frowned and cast each other looks. Elise swept the area around them with her flashlight, Neala carefully stepped closer to Valerie, and Tiana pulled out her phone.

“Hey, Sinclair, we found your friend!” Tiana said. “She's pantsless and sitting in a pile of snow out in the middle of nowhere, but we've got her!”

Sinclair sighed in relief. “Oh thank goodness! I was just debatin' callin' her mommy over here.”

Tiana almost dropped her phone. “You called her momma?!”

“ _'Debatin'_ callin' her mommy', Tia! I haven't called her yet!”

Tiana clutched her phone with both hands, pulling it away till she could get her breathing back to normal. She carefully put it back to her ear. “Good. Bye.” She warily cast looks at her sister and Elise, but they were far too busy dealing with Valerie to notice her distress.

“We're going to get you out of here, okay, Val?” Neala said as she started taking off her jacket. “Don't panic, I'm just going to pick you up and take you back to the car, and then we can go back to my place.”

“Okay...” Valerie sobbed.

Neala wrapped her jacket around Valerie, then carefully took her into her arms. “You still good, Valerie?” She asked softly.

Valerie shook her head. She whimpered, buried her face into Neala's chest, and started sobbing.

Neala blushed. Elise looked on with a seriously unamused, envious, and resigned expression.

Tiana sighed. “Look, can we deal with your stupid kinda-love-triangle back at the house? It's frigging cold out here.”

The two of them agreed on yet another temporary truce and started heading back to the car.

* * *

Tiana threw open the front door and trudged in, tossing her jacket on the coat rack behind her. “That's it! I'm done! You two deal with your wasted friend alone, I'm out.” She said as she went straight back to her room.

“Thanks, Tia!” Neala yelled as she stepped in with Valerie in her arms again. “You need anything?” She asked as she moved the still shivering and crying girl to the couch.

“Bacon!” Valerie cried. “Lots of bacon!”

Neala paused. “But you _hate_ bacon.”

“I know but it's a cure for drunkenness or something and I'm really drunk right now therefore I need bacon! Lots of it!”

Neala was about to question the logic of that statement, before she remembered that Valerie was drunk. “Right… I'll just go and do that...” She was about to set Valerie down when her hands shot forward and grabbed Neala.

“No! Neala! Don't leave me! I _need you_ with me!” Valerie wailed. “I'm drunk and I'm scared please don't leave me alone!”

“Then how is she supposed to get you that bacon you want so much?” Elise said as she stood behind them.

“You do it, Eli!” Valerie replied. “I need N'ala here with me!”

The room's temperature dropped dramatically, but Valerie didn't notice, as usual.

“You know, I can cook too,” Neala offered as she awkwardly sat on the couch with Valerie. “Elise could stay here with you instead of me.”

“Nooo she can't because I don't trust her as much and I know she might try to do _bad things_ to me and I want to be sober if that happens 'cause I'd want to remember that because it's actually kinda hot!”

Neala and Elise blushed, before Neala quickly shot Elise a dirty look.

Elise looked back at Neala, confused. “What...?” She asked. Neala kept giving her the look, Elise scowled. “Are you seriously implying that—!? I would _never_ —look, in my defense, that was all Valerie!” Neala stared at her some more, before Elise sighed, shook her head, and trudged off to the kitchen. “I'll look for the bacon and the pans myself.” She grumbled.

“Thanks, Eli!” Neala said, before she turned back to Valerie, curled up into a little ball of helplessness and fear while clutching fistfuls of her shirt. She carefully wrapped her arms around Valerie, and patted her on the back. “It's gonna be okay, Valerie.”

“I _still_ don't like this, Neala!” Valerie sobbed. “I still don't like this one bit!” She started sobbing again.

Neala frowned and pulled her head to her chest. “Everything's going to be okay, Valerie; I'm right here, don't worry.” She cooed.

Valerie kept on crying before she fell into a fitful, restless sleep. Neala just held her tighter, whispering soothing words and humming soft lullabies, ignoring the sharp, intense jabs of pain when Valerie unconsciously demonstrated how she could literally fight someone off in her sleep.

In the kitchen, Elise looked on enviously.

* * *

Morning came and brought with it several new bruises, no sleep, and a few ribs that may or may not be broken. Neala shut her eyes against the morning light streaming through the windows, the normally welcome sight scorching her bloodshot eyes.

Valerie stirred awake. She turned away from Neala's chest, opened her eyes, and got her retinas seared too. She pressed her face back into dim, warm safety of Neala's chest, and groaned. “Ugh… N'ala, what happened last night, and why is everything _pain_?”

“You got drunk and stuck in three feet of snow.” Neala explained.

Valerie groaned again. _“Never **again.**_ I _swear,_ N'ala, this is going to be the last time you ever save me from the Forces of Alcohol. I don't even remember what happened last night but I know it was bad!”

Neala chuckled softly, before letting out a groan as her bruises started acting up. “Yeah… let's just… put all of this behind us.”

From the other couch, Elise turned on her side and yawned. “Nnghh… the bacon's cooked and in the fridge, if anyone wants it.” She mumbled, before she went back to sleep.

Valerie recoiled. “Ugh… bacon… who even eats that stuff?!”

Neala smirked. “You ordered it yourself, actually.”

Valerie stopped. “… Well, that explains that boundless feeling of grossness in my stomach...” She carefully peered up at Neala with her big, blue bloodshot eyes. “Hey, N'ala?”

Neala looked down. “What?”

Valerie smiled. “Thanks.”

Neala smiled back. “You're welcome.”

“Also, why am I not wearing pants?”

“You were drunk. We didn't really question it.”


End file.
